When we were up at Yankanuck, J'aime and Keren came up with this idea to send grandma a newsletter every month, and call it "tell-a-gram"©. We would each take a month heading up the letter. No one ever did it, until J'aime took some intitiative last week to get us all to write a little update for grandma. When i first got the email, I tried to think of something to write about, but couldnt, so i just left it open to come back to later. It kept coming up in my mind, like while i was driving somewhere, and i still couldn't think of anything to put in it. J'aime asked me why i didn't reply and i said i couldnt think of anything yet, but that i would that night. I sat there, and just sat there. I have nothing to tell my grandmother. I wish i did. My grandma quit her job as a secretary 18 years ago because they wanted her to learn how to use a computer. 3 years ago, my dad bought her one of those internet appliances so she could keep intouch via email, and she wanted nothing to do with it, she wouldnt even take it out of the box. So, being that computers are the dominating force in my life, that was my first roadblock. But then, I was thinking, "certainly i do stuff other than computer stuff" but, i couldnt think of anything. I don't go anywhere special. I see a movie here and there. I go home and hang out with my sisters. I go to walmart once a month for food. sometimes i have a class to go to. I go to work, come home, go to bed. rinse and repeat. Day after day. you'd think i'd be conscious of this, but it really hit me like a brick. What the crap am i doing? It's like i put my life on autopilot and jumped in the backseat to take a nap. WTF. this whole awakening couldn't have happened at a better time though. I have next week off for my birthday on wednesday and the following monday and tuesday off too. I called a friend i havent talked to in a year, have plans to go down to DC and spend time with friends there, but also do some personally rewarding things like recording some music and reading. I guess i'm just feeling like i need a bit of soul food. Works been a drag recently, so just the break alone should be good for the mental health.